Invisible Grief | Choosing Happy Sorrow | A Story of Pregnancy Loss | Personal

** DISCLAIMER: This post may be an emotional trigger for those who have experienced loss, especially regarding miscarriage. **

As I sit here finally letting my emotions out, I realize that I haven’t cried like this… well, probably ever. Bear with me folks, this post contains a very personal and mature subject matter. The following experience definitely broke my heart a little bit…

Anyone that knows me, knows how much I love being a mommy. It has been my ultimate goal in life for as long as I can remember. More than anything else in the world, I knew that I wanted to be a mommy. I have always been drawn to children, working with them in one aspect or another in every single job that I’ve ever held. My precious boy, Kamden, means the world to me, as he was the one who made my dream come true 2 1/2 years ago. He fills my life with enormous amounts of joy and wonder!

What most of you do not know, is that I was a mommy again for a very short period of time, very recently. On May 15th, 2014, my husband and I found out that we were expecting once again. Expecting… a baby. I made little Kamden a shirt that said, “Big Brother, January 2014.” Yes, pregnancy brain had set in right away, because it should have said 2015! Haha. I actually had taken that day off from work, so I was home that morning at the same time as my husband (which with our opposite schedules, rarely happens). Kam and I made Karlton some coffee and brought it to him in bed, something that we often do on weekends to “wake Daddy up”. When my hubby woke up and noticed Kam’s shirt a couple of minutes later, his response was, “Kam, what does your shirt say? Kam… what does your shirt say?!” It was a joyful morning, we had a family hug, and we discussed how much we both wanted this and were so very happy.

Fast forward to just over four weeks later… the day before Father’s Day, 2014. Three days after seeing a heartbeat at our first ultrasound. Something started happening to me that I knew wasn’t supposed to happen when you’re pregnant, and well, pretty quickly I was very aware of what was going on. Being the weekend, a call to my doctor pretty much confirmed what I already knew. My second baby, at only 8 1/2 weeks gestation, was gone.

During my short pregnancy, there were definitely signs for me that something wasn’t quite right. I consider myself an optimistic person who rarely thinks about the worst case scenario. However, the whole time, I felt like I wasn’t getting as excited as I should be, and that I wasn’t that attached. Once I realized that my worst fear really was coming true and that I really was losing the pregnancy, it hit me like a ton of bricks. Nothing, absolutely nothing prepares you for any loss. As much as my body and mind felt like I wasn’t attached, as it turns out… I was. The loss and sorrow is real. Very, very real.

Something interesting happens once you find out that you’ve experienced a pregnancy loss. All of the sudden you find out how many people have experienced the same thing. How heartbreakingly common it really is. You realize as well that it is a very real loss that is hardly talked about. An invisible, very painful, grief experienced by mothers and fathers everywhere.

Deciding to share about your experience is a hugely personal thing, and I absolutely honor each and every person’s choice on whether or not to share. I personally decided that I wanted to share about my experience, because not only did I feel alone in my heartache, but I also felt that there was a lot of joy that I wasn’t able to share. My first belly pics, the cute announcement, or the awesome gender reveal photo session that we had planned. While thinking about all this makes the situation that much more sad, as an optimist, I still want to share my joy. The truth is that there are so many beautiful tragedies in this crazy world we’re living in. So, in honor of my sweet tiny little angel baby, I share now with you all…

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So how does one support someone who’s going through something that is rarely ever talked about? What do you talk about with someone who has lost someone that they will never know, someone that they have no real pictures of to remember them by?

Sure, it’s difficult. Dealing with any type of grief or loss is not easy. I will tell you, though, that you just support them! Any way that you know how. Check in. Ask them how they’re doing. Ask them if they need to talk. At times, I don’t know if I feel like talking about it. Most other times, I desperately want to talk about it. Give a warm hug. A smile. An “I’m thinking about you.” It won’t make it go away, but it will make the grief that much less invisible.

Just tonight I watched a special on the Oprah Winfrey Network where Robin Roberts spoke about how her mother taught her about choosing “happy sorrow” instead of “sad sorrow” when we are dealing with grief and that it helped her once her mother actually passed, to focus on all of the happy memories. In a way, this seems an impossible feat, but if I try, I can see the happy moments that occurred over the brief 4 1/2 weeks that we knew we were expecting. Like Kamden making the connection, moments after we told him he’d be a big brother and he said, “Baby sister in his belly?” How my hubby would text me back saying, “Love you three! ;)”. The numerous kisses that my belly received from my husband and my son in those few weeks. Although heartbreaking now, these were joyous moments for us that I’ll always remember and cherish. Joy that we know we will experience again.

I will try to choose happy sorrow… and for now, focus on this little face and soak up the joy that exudes from him every day!!

Kam man-1For those of you who enjoy musical connections, check out “Ten” by Yellowcard below…

“‘Honey, I’ve got real bad news’ and
Then there were just tears
And we would never be the same again
Since then I’ve often wondered
What you might have been like
How it would have felt to hold you,
Would you have my eyes?
Don’t you think we would’ve been best friends?”

– Yellowcard, “Ten”

 

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Karen + Jef | A Spirited Backyard Wedding | VA Beach Wedding Photographer

Karen & Jef were friends back in high school. Karen was a cheerleader, Jef a football player, and the two worked out together practicing the high jump. Twenty-five years later when they would reunite at a party, Jef would say, “I remember you… Kim Collins!” Haha!

The couple reconnected as friends initially, and they then supported each other through some very sad and challenging times. It was once Karen invited Jef and his son Mason over for dinner and a Redskins game that the two truly connected. Knowing that they were both die hard Skins fans, Karen & Jef’s relationship was bound to be solid!!

Karen & Jef were definitely meant to meet up again! Bold and spirited, the two make quite the pair!! If only you could hear the commentary between these two throughout their big day! Maybe you can tell what types of comments they had from some of the expressions in these photos!

Their wedding took place on a beautiful, sun-filled evening; the night after some pretty big thunderstorms in Virginia Beach. The ceremony was sweet and simple, with gorgeous bright coral incorporated into all the details. After the end of the couple’s sand ceremony, each of their sons came up and added a piece of sea glass to the vase to represent the joining of their families.

I have no doubt that Karen & Jef will have loads of fun together in their married life. They are already such a riot together! These two have plenty adventures to come, I’m sure!!

*If you enjoy these images and would like to see more, please visit Nancy Wiley Photography on Facebook and give my page a like to show your support. Thanks!!

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Declan Patrick | Sweetest Baby on the Block | Virginia Beach Newborn Photographer

Declan Patrick… he will steal your heart in seconds!!! I honestly have never come across a sweeter, more content, and peaceful newborn. At only 14 days old, he was wide-eyed and alert for almost the entire session! Even smiling occasionally while awake, but mostly at his parents when they’d hold him! 🙂 I did not hear him make one little peep until our three hour session was almost over! Oh man, what a sweetheart. Hearing Declan’s parents’ story, you’ll see why they totally deserve a sweet baby like him!

Declan’s parents, Kate & Brian met in… get this… Kindergarten!!! Kate stated that, “He used to share his seat with me on the bus.” They were friends all through school in Columbiana, Ohio and started dating their senior year of high school. Kate & Brian spent one semester apart in college before Brian transferred to be with Kate. They were engaged the day that they graduated college, and married a year later! The two moved to Virginia shortly after their one year anniversary so that Kate could get a teaching job. Next month, they will be celebrating eight years of marriage, and 12 years as a couple!

Last summer Kate & Brian decided that the time was finally right to start a family, and the two not-so-secretly wanted a boy! When it was time for them for find out what they were having, they did a sweet little private gender reveal where Brian surprised Kate! During their ultrasound, Kate closed her eyes so that Brian could later reveal the sex of their baby to his wife. Kate popped a balloon and blue confetti went flying!! Brian also baked Kate a blue cake; however, during the baking of the blue cake, Brian accidentally spilled some blue coloring on his hands, so he then had to rub some red food coloring on his hands in order to not ruin the surprise for Kate!! Haha! Love it!

Kate & Brian very patiently awaited the birth of their son… even having to wait over a week after his due date for him to arrive! Declan was obviously worth the wait. Just take a look at this precious little face!!

If you enjoy my images and would like to see more, please like Nancy Wiley Photography on Facebook to show your support! Thanks!! ❤

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Ballard-Maung Family | 200% Successful | Twin Family Session

Danny & Erin began their individual journeys in two very different places on the Earth. Danny was actually born in the country of Burma (Myanmar), moved to Singapore, finally settled in Virginia as a teenager, and later became a U.S. citizen. Erin grew up in a little town called Hartland in Vermont and moved to Virginia in 2000 to attend Virginia Commonwealth University in Richmond, VA. The two crossed paths while attending VCU and later began their lives as a married couple in 2008.

Once married, Danny & Erin decided to start a family. Two long years passed when doctors finally determined that infertility issues only gave them a .1% chance of having children of their own without medical intervention. After a lengthy medical process, Danny & Erin went in to find out if they were pregnant. As Erin put it, “We discovered we were 200% successful!” After all their struggles, they found out that they were not only expecting, but they were expecting a TWIN pregnancy!!

Erin continued, “We couldn’t have been more blessed or more grateful that we got two crazy, rambunctious, healthy boys who are the center of our universe. All the unknowns, all the fears of infertility and the process itself were worth the outcome.”

This family session was shot at the beautiful and historic Manassas Battlefield in Manassas, Virginia before sunset. Elijiah (Eli) & Gabriel (Gabe) had great fun running around the battlefield and exploring the grounds. One of their favorite things was repeatedly yelling, “Helloooo” into the crack of the locked door on the white barn. In true twin fashion, where one twin ran, the other, in turn, galloped the opposite way! However, I was somehow able to capture a few shots of them together, and even a couple of the boys sweetly hugging each other!! Best buddies for life, for sure!!!

If you would like to see more of this and other sessions, please like Nancy Wiley Photography on Facebook. Thanks in advance for your support!!

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Colin Patrick | Littlest Slugger | Newborn Session

So, in my post of Maria’s maternity session that I captured, she mentioned that she and Ethan could not wait to take their little slugger to baseball games in the future to share their passion with him. Well, in true baseball fan fashion, Colin waited to attend the Nationals-Reds game in his mommy’s belly on his due date before he decided to enter this world!! It seems Colin doesn’t want to miss a thing! With an extra tease for his parents, Colin also threatened to arrive early a few different times, only to be born a day LATE! Newborns… they’re UNpredictable!!

… But OH so cute!!!! I have always loooooooved babies, and newborns are just like the sweetest, purest, most joyous form of life that I personally am aware of, and so I jump at the opportunity to snuggle one any chance that I get! Colin was a total sweetheart. He was so well behaved after he had a full tummy, and I was able to shush his slight stirs quite easily! He even spared my beanbag and the pretty blue blanket from any eliminations… now, dad’s shirt and the white blanket did not fare as well. Haha!

Being together for over 8 1/2 years now, Maria & Ethan seem to have accepted the arrival of a newborn with grace and overwhelming love. They were so relaxed for first time parents and were such a great team already! No doubt that they have wanted this for a long time, and tiny Colin has shown up at the perfect time in their lives! To read more about Maria & Ethan’s story and take a look at their Old Town Alexandria Waterfront maternity session, check out their blog post: “MARIA + ETHAN | WAITING ON THEIR FIRST | MATERNITY SESSION”.

This newborn session was shot in Maria & Ethan’s own home, which was so special as I was able to capture what life was like during Colin’s first days. I even got a quick shot of Colin in his sweet baseball themed nursery, and towards the end, Maria & Ethan’s sweet dog, Ruby, joined for a whole family photo!!

Enjoy these images of sweet newborn Colin!! If you do, please visit Nancy Wiley Photography on Facebook to see more and show your support! Thank you very much!!

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Tiffany & Danyelle | Oh Boy! It’s Another Boy!! | Gender Reveal

Tiffany & Danyelle are such a sweet, happy couple. They were just filled with joy throughout the whole session. They are so eager to meet their new baby in a few months! They were so excited to find out the gender of their baby, but Tiffany stated that they had “no expectations!”  They are grateful, joyful, and and so happy to welcome another child into their family.

Poor big brother Isaiah did get a little overwhelmed after the explosion of blue everywhere. Once his mommies explained that he was indeed having a baby brother, the little guy sobbed and sobbed. No doubt with time, he will absolutely love to have a little brother to play with and teach new things!

What made this session even more special was that they invited their closest friends and family to watch the reveal! Everyone close to them found out the same moment that Tiffany, Danyelle, and Isaiah found out! So special!!!

I had so much fun doing this session for this sweet family! What a blast, and what an honor to share in such a special moment that they will cherish forever and someday be able to look back on and share with their new little boy.

If you have an upcoming special event, I would love to capture it for you! These milestone events in people’s lives are so meaningful. 🙂

*If you enjoy my images, please head to Nancy Wiley Photography on Facebook and give my page a like to see more and show your support! Thanks so much!! ❤


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